I was going to write a piece on the great parking meter tragedy of 2009, but my lofty goal seemed well–lofty. Parking meter downer? NO! Calorie filled happiness! YES! Ice cream cheers everyone up, right? And in these hard times (side note: I am really sick of writing, reading, and generally observing that adage) it seems appropriate to type about the treats in life instead of the tricks for a change.
The hippie-ish ice cream chain has been scooping out the freebies since ’79 and there will no doubt be a line longer than the Navy Pier outpost that will be dishing out the goodies. (Navy Pier Scoop Shop, 700 E Grand) Free ice cream might be a faithful customer appreciation act, but it is also a way to lure in new converts or tempt old members to return to the gluttonous club. Conspiracy theory? Personally, I am a huge ice cream fan, but if you keep anyone away from something long enough, they could forget. Think of watching Golden Girls, for example. Its always on, but you never watch it because its (groan) Golden Girls. But then the day comes where you are too lazy to change the station and lo, the girls are cracking you up with Blanche’s sleazin’ around the hood, Rose’s idiot blunders, and Dorothy’s Dorothy-ness. Ah, Bea Arthur, I missed you!
That’s just what these free cones are going to do. You (try) to diet and work out. Avoid high fat and sugar desserts at all costs. Ice cream is honestly lacking in nutrition. But a bad day and a free cone later, it all comes flooding back to you. Cool, sweet, creamy memories will take over good sense and you will forget why you stopped eating it in the first place. Welcome back, friend. It’s just a sleigh ride into plus-sized pants now.